Custody & Visitation

When parents divorce, the divorce decree will specify with whom the children will live, and how often and under what circumstances the other parent will visit with the children. Often, parents work out these arrangements between themselves, either completely voluntarily or with the assistance of their attorneys or a mediator. When they are unable to reach a decision, however, or when unmarried parents are unable to agree on who will have custody of their child, the court may intervene and make a decision based on the child's best interests.

In most situations, physical custody is awarded to one parent with whom the child will live most of the time. Often, however, the custodial parent shares "legal custody" of the child with the non-custodial parent. "Legal custody" includes the right to make decisions about the child's education, religion, health care, and other important concerns. When one parent is awarded sole physical custody, the other parent is granted visitation, either according to a clear schedule of dates and times, or simply on a "reasonable" basis. If allegations of abuse have been raised against the non-custodial parent, any visitation granted may be subject to supervision by a neutral third party. Grandparents and stepparents may also be entitled to visitation privileges.

Some parents have chosen a joint-custody arrangement in which the child spends an approximately equal amount of time with both parents. Proponents of this arrangement say it lessens the feeling of loss that a child may experience in a divorce. Critics, however, say that it is best for the child to have one home base, with liberal visitation allowed to the "non-custodial" parent. Because joint custody requires a high degree of cooperation between the parents, courts are reluctant to order joint custody unless both parents are in agreement and can demonstrate the ability to make joint decisions and cooperate for the child's sake.

Another option, although much less favored, is split custody, in which one parent has custody of one or more of the parties' children, and the other parent has custody of the other(s). Courts usually prefer not to separate siblings, however, when issuing custody orders.

When the child's parents are unmarried, the statutes of most states require that the mother be awarded sole physical custody unless the father takes action to be awarded custody. An unwed father often cannot win custody over a mother who is a good parent, but he will usually take priority over other relatives, foster parents, or prospective adoptive parents.

In deciding who will have custody, the courts consider various factors. The overriding consideration is always the child's best interests, although that can be hard to determine. Often, the main factor is which parent has been the child's primary caretaker. If the children are old enough, the courts will take their preference into account in making a custody decision. Once entered, a custody award can be changed by the court if the parent's or children's circumstances have changed.

Some commentators have criticized the courts as being gender-biased, since most custody awards are in the mother's favor. Others respond to this criticism, however, with the fact that historically mothers have been, and in many cases continue to be, the children's primary caregiver, so the higher number of awards to mothers is appropriate. As more fathers become more actively involved in their children's care, there likely will be more custody awards to fathers. Because custody and visitation decisions, like those in so many family law areas, involve such important considerations and impact so many lives, the assistance of an experienced lawyer is an essential element of the decision-making process.

Worksheet: Custody and Visitation Schedule

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Types of Custody

Learn the difference between legal custody, physical custody, sole custody, joint custody and more.

Legal Custody

Legal custody of a child is the right and obligation to make decisions about a child's upbringing. Decisions regarding schooling, and medical and dental care, for example, are made by a parent with legal custody. In many states, courts now award joint legal custody to the parents, which means that the decision making is shared. If you share joint legal custody with the other parent and exclude him or her from the decision-making process, your ex can take you back to court and ask the judge to enforce the original custody agreement. You won't get fined or go to jail, but it will probably be embarrassing and cause more friction between the two of you -- and it may harm the children. What's more, if you're represented by an attorney, it's sure to be expensive.

Physical Custody

Physical custody is the right of a parent to have a child live with him. Some states recognize the concept of joint physical custody where the child spends approximately half the time in each parent's home. The latter arrangement is tricky and should be considered only if you have an amicable, respectful relationship with your ex. Also, it works best if you live near the other parent. This lessens the stress on children and allows them to maintain a somewhat normal routine.

Sole Custody

Sole custody means that only the custodial parent has physical custody and legal custody of a child, and that the noncustodial parent has visitation rights. In most states, courts are moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent, and they are often enlarging the role a father plays in his children's lives. This translates into physical custody for one parent with joint legal custody shared by both -- plus a generous visitation schedule. Courts may not hesitate to award physical custody to the father if the mother is deemed unfit -- for example, because of alcohol or drug dependency, an unfit boyfriend or child abuse or neglect charges. It's understandable that there may be animosity between you and your ex-spouse, but sole custody shouldn't be sought unless the parent is a direct harm to the children. Even then courts may simply order supervised visitation, while still allowing joint legal custody.

Joint Custody

Parents who don't live together have joint custody (also called shared custody) when they agree, or a court orders them, to share the decision-making responsibilities for, and/or physical control and custody of, their children. Joint custody can exist if the parents are divorced, separated, no longer cohabiting or even if they never lived together. Joint custody may be joint legal custody, joint physical custody (where the children spend a significant portion of time with each parent) or both. It is common for couples who share physical custody to also share legal custody, but not necessarily the other way around. Usually, when parents share joint custody, they work out joint physical custody according to their schedules and housing arrangements. If the parents cannot agree, the court will impose an arrangement. A common pattern is for children to split weeks between each parent's house. Other joint physical custody arrangements include alternating years or six-month periods, or spending weekends and holidays with one parent while spending weekdays with the other.

Joint custody has the advantages of assuring the children continuing contact and involvement with both parents, and alleviating some of the burdens of parenting for each parent. There are, of course, disadvantages -- children must be shuttled around, parental non-cooperation can have seriously devastating effects on children and maintaining two homes for the children can be expensive.

Bird's Nest Custody

Bird's nest custody is a joint custody arrangement where the children remain in the family home and the parents take turns moving in and out.